Colorful Cabinet Choices Suggested

A dearth of pro-Bush Hugger-Miz Moose Burger letters?!?!? Pshaw! Y’all were too a-fear’d to print my pro-Bush Hugger letter (Revised, Revised Standard Version) in which I foresaw a Bush Hugger cabinet:

Considering Slick Johnny “The Bush Hugger” McCain picked an heiress and an ex-beauty queen for his second, trophy mate and a second runner-up ex-beauty queen as his VEEP running mate, you don’t have to be a Miss Cleo or Sylvia Browne to foresee his choices for the following members of his Cabinet:

* Demi Moore, Secretary of Defense. “G.I. Jane’s” other qualification? Her former marriage to “Die Hard” star and infamous Hollywood Republican Bruce Willis.

* Halle Berry, Secretary of State, to replace Condiliar. This was a hard choice because of Tyra Banks and Vanessa Williams, but I’m sure they’ll settle for possible Supreme Court justice vacancies.

* Daryl “Kill Bill” Hannah of Homeland Security. Too bad for Lucy Liu. The Moshe Dayan look prevails with the Israel lobby.

* Paris Hilton, Secretary Department of Energy or Treasury. The Bush Hugger has already endorsed her energy policy, but being an heiress also qualifies her for Treasury. That’s hot!

* Lindsay Lohan, Secretary Department of Transportation. Slam drunk here. Sorry Britney.

* Heidi Fleiss, Secretary Department of Interior, given the drugs, sex, and rock ‘n roll shenanigans going on there these days. This ain’t Mo Udall’s or even Jimmy Watt’s Department of the Interior anymore.

I’ll leave it to other astute letter writers to add to the “Girls Gone Wild” Cabinet from amongst Miley Cyrus, former Miss Americas, FAUX Noise Channel infobunnies, and the American 2008 Summer Olympic female beach volleyball, swimming and gymnastics teams.

Phillip Hagler
Bristol, Tenn.