TATE: If You Can’t Eat Your Fill, Want Some Fast Food Cologne?

Have you seen the Arby’s television ad where the husband is asking his wife to fulfill one of his fantasies?

He’s lying in bed and she’s outside the bedroom door, before he urges her to come in. You might expect her to enter wearing something skimpy, but she comes through the door – in slow motion, no less – dressed like she works at Arby’s and carrying a tray full of fast food.

The husband’s eyes pop at the sight of her, a cartoonish cowboy hat – the Arby’s logo –  pops out over his head and he tells her: “Me likey.”

It’s pretty corny, honestly, but the ad gets under my skin because of its adoration of fast food. We are a society that loves its greasy cheeseburgers, extra fries, thick malts. Even more than real intimacy, thank you very much.

The husband in this ad is pleased to see his wife, but the real turn-on is the greasy meal she’s bringing him on the tray.

It’s no wonder we struggle with obesity and diabetes – spouse or not, lonely or not, we can go to any fast food drive-thru to feed our sorrows and feel better. And they are open late, and early, and every hour in between. In fact, you don’t even have to talk to your spouse any more. If you feel bad, just hit the drive-thru. It’s always there for you.

And when you can’t fill up, maybe you can spritz on some of what makes you feel better. While fast-food chains may not be known for high fashion or fragrance, Burger King unveiled a new fragrance on Sunday. It’s a men’s body spray called Flame by BK. No, I am not making this up. The 5-ml bottles are being sold in Ricky’s stores in New York City and on a Web site called firemeetsdesire.com.

This is supposed to be the way to a woman’s heart – a meat-scented body spray? According to The Associated Press, if you’re “salivating for a chance to marinate yourself in flame-broiled flavor, relax: The experience can be yours for just $3.99 – a small price to pay for some seriously mouth-watering mojo.”

OK, who is salivating for this stuff?

Who wants to smell like a hamburger, even a flame-broiled one? And does it really smell like a burger?

“My assumption when I heard about it was that it would smell like French fries and burgers,” said Luis Bejaran, 24, who manages a Ricky’s store on Eighth Street in Manhattan. But, he said, that wasn’t the case. “It’s a combination of Axe body spray, TAG and this YSL cologne I have. It’s one of those scents that’s not sweet, and light at the same time.”

His female co-workers were not so sure about its merits. “It’s not the best choice for a man,” offered one.

So it doesn’t really smell like flame-broiled goodness? And it’s not like an Axe or TAG ad, where women chase you for miles and fight over your sweaty carcass?

Well, what good is it?

It’s a marketing gimmick aimed at making you think of Burger King and as of Wednesday afternoon, Begaran’s store had sold at least 10 bottles of the stuff. Plenty more people had stopped in or called to ask about it.

As with any national marketing stunt, the Flame campaign has fans and critics.

“I would not wear it out of principle,” said 23-year-old Mike G., after seeing the slim silver package sporting art of a flaming heart (and who didn’t give his full name to the reporter asking questions). “It’s from Burger King. I would never wear a cologne from a fast-food restaurant. It actually angers me slightly. I mean, the packaging says heartburn – what are they trying to say?”

They’re trying to make you think about eating their food. They’re trying to make you think of them first when you go to spend your dollars.

Sounds like it’s working.

Hungry yet?