J. TODD FOSTER: Thank You, Andrea Mitchell, For The Ready-Made Column

I learned something about myself Thursday that I did not know: I’m a redneck. But then again, so is every one of you reading this column. Or so says Andrea Mitchell of NBC News.

Mitchell, the wife of former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, actually went on MSNBC on Thursday as Barack Obama was leaving the stage in Bristol and quipped live: “Interesting images today. Barack Obama, Mark Warner, in Southwest Virginia. This is real [chuckle] redneck ... sort of ... uhm ... bordering on Appalachia ... country. This is not the Northern Virginia ... uh ... you know ... high-tech corridor. And these are voters that he would not logically ... be ... you know, gravitating to. This is the beginning of a pivot.”

You know, uhm, I’ve been wondering where all these urges of late have been coming from – namely the desire to trade my Toyota Camry for a pickup, complete with rubber bull testicles (product name: bumper nuts) dangling from the trailer hitch. I’m inexplicably craving chew tobacco. I passed a road-kill possum Friday and thought it looked tasty. And I nearly wore a wife-beater T-shirt to Wal-Mart yesterday, until my wife intervened with “that’s not a good look for you.”

IF MITCHELL were telling Jeff Foxworthy jokes, and let’s hope she could do it without all the “uhms” and “you knows,” her lead would be: “You might be a redneck if you live in Southwest Virginia.”

I have a retort, however: You might be a gold digger if you marry a Fed chairman older than your daddy.

Harsh? Maybe. But the last bastion of acceptable, politically incorrect stereotyping is making fun of Southerners. And we’re damned tired of it.

WHAT IF Mitchell had used this line for a John McCain rally in Harlem: “Interesting images today. John McCain and Mitt Romney, in Harlem. This is a real homeboy … sort of … uhm … bordering on ghetto … country. This is not the west side of Manhattan … uh … you know ... the upper crust of the island?”

Al Sharpton would be protesting and the ACLU would be suing. And perhaps rightly so. But where are our special-interest defenders?

I pity today’s TV news reporters, with 24 hours a day of airtime to fill on cable. That’s about 23 hours beyond whatever intelligent discourse they can muster.

IF A major philanthropist like Don Imus can lose his talk show over a quip – albeit highly inappropriate – “about nappy-headed ho’s,” then what’s Mitchell’s stupid offense worth?

At least an apology.

Thankfully, Obama chose to kick-start his national general election campaign in the very place he has no hope of winning – Southwest Virginia.

BUT IF he can hold down McCain’s rural Virginia advantage, Northern Virginia and Hampton Roads will make Virginia run blue for the first time since LBJ was crowned king of the commonwealth in 1964.

“There’s a reason why the first public event we had, after obtaining the nomination, is right here in Southwest Virginia,” Obama told 2,500 supporters inside Virginia High School’s gymnasium.

“Because Southwest Virginia is an example of so much that is good about this country, but so many people have been forgotten. There are good, hard-working, decent, generous people in beautiful towns all around this region, but Washington hasn’t been paying attention and hasn’t been listening,” the Illinois senator said.

THIS IS a big country, and Obama could have gone anywhere to debut his general election campaign. That he chose our region speaks to the kindness, compassion and energy of its people.

If Andrea Mitchell can ever escape the sucking vortex of the Beltway, maybe she can rent a car and fill it with $4-a-gallon gasoline and drive the six hours and 375 miles from Washington to Bristol.

She won’t be cut off and flipped off by other drivers; she’ll actually get directions and a smile if she asks; and she’ll discover the real America that eludes so many national journalists.

EVERY ONCE in awhile, I take a shot at presidential buffoons or other wingnuts I perceive are doing our country wrong. Anon-ymous Web readers will post comments to my columns on TriCities.com, comments like “this guy is a wannbe journalist. No wonder he’s stuck in Bristol.”

Here’s the deal: I’m not stuck in Bristol. I’ve traveled the country – and the world – and covered some of the nation’s biggest stories. I grew up in Tennessee and lived on the panhandles of Florida and Idaho, in Spokane and Portland – and in Washington, D.C.

I moved to Bristol because I wanted to. We have some rednecks (see the pickups with the fake testicles attached). But Southwest Virginia is no more defined by rednecks than our nation’s capital is by two snipers who terrorized that region nearly six years ago.
It takes all kinds to comprise a country. And along the way, we have to suffer a few Andrea Mitchells.

J. Todd Foster is managing editor of the Bristol Herald Courier. He may be reached at or (276) 645-2513.