Christmas shopping in the dark

I woke up too late for Wal-mart.

By 5:39 a.m., I figured anything I wanted during the Black Friday frenzy was gone.

So I simply set my sights on Target.

And, as it turned out, I drove into a Black Friday Parade – in the dark, following an unbroken line of cars, all with lights on, looking almost like some kind of odd funeral procession.

Vehicles streamed out of the Exit 7 Wal-mart parking lot and stormed up the hill to The Highlands.

There, from the looks of it, you might have thought a concert would kick off at 6 a.m., as folks huddled hundreds deep by the door, making their way around all those big, red Target balls cemented to the sidewalk.

Why, there was even a cop car on hand – just in case it all turned ugly.

This year marked the Bristol Target’s first annual entry into the Black Friday blitz.

And many customers looked sleepy – some even unwashed, like they had skipped a morning shower to run down an aisle in search of a discount crock-pot.

Less than a minute after the doors opened, some dude lugged a giant TV into a shopping cart.

After that, I dodged a bearded guy and his family, carrying a computer printer.

Moments later, I slipped past a pair of trendy teens that had turned their cell phones into walkie-talkies – and brazenly communicated their game plan, like they were on a serious mission.

Next, shoppers’ confusion rang out in the audio accessories aisle.

"Which one?" people shouted.

And then?

"Him!" somebody said, pointing at my sleepy head.

"He’s got the papers!" somebody added.

"Hey! Hey, you! Help us!"

Nobody knew which set of blank CDs and DVDs were on sale – until I searched for a picture in Target’s newspaper advertisement.

"Oh, now, I’ll tell you," I said, coyly. "But you have to save one for me."

Everyone laughed.

And I went home happy.

Still, even after saving the day, I must say, I really felt like doing nothing but going right back to bed.

JOE TENNIS is a features writer for the Bristol Herald Courier. He may be reached at or (276) 791-0704.