Unknown Hinson Coming to Tri-Cities

“Hello?”
Unknown Hinson, please.
“You got him,” Hinson said.
So began an hour-long journey into the whacked out world of Unknown Hinson, “king of country western troubadours.”
Scheduled to sing his string of “chart-toppers” on Oct. 10 at The Hideaway in Johnson City, the man born Stuart Daniel Baker stays in the character of Hinson seemingly at all times. Well, at least during his shows and interviews.
“Last name Hinson, H-I-N-S-O-N, first name Unknown, not to be confused with that puppeteer feller Jim Henson,” Hinson said by phone Monday morning from his home near Charlotte, N.C.
Unknown?
“I’m a product of out of wedlock relations,” Hinson said in a Southern drawl straight out of “Deliverance.” “My mama got drunk with this mans one night, and then I was born.”
Open the dictionary according to Unknown Hinson. Women sounds like “womerns” on Hinson’s tongue, which by the way is planted firmly in cheek. Man turns to “mans,” the Internet becomes the “interstate,” and rock music is “rawk” and a product of the devil.
And liquor, that’s “likker” as in “party likker,” which Hinson loves.
“All I drink is party likker,” Hinson said. “It’s the vodka in a half-gallon size.”
Hinson said he does not drink to get drunk. Medicinal purposes, don’t you know.
“I’ve got a slight dental problem,” Hinson said.
However, his songs do not reflect his vampirish look, but they do indicate his outlandish schtick.
He is known for such country and “rawk” sing-a-longs as “I Cleaned Out a Room in My Trailer for You” and “Your Man is Gay.” Not exactly love songs of the highest order.
Since establishing the Unknown Hinson persona in 1992, his wicked humor and truly phenomenal guitar-playing skills have attracted an impressive following. They include country’s Marty Stuart and the Rolling Stones. Hank Williams III even tattooed Hinson’s image on his bicep.
“I’m very honored that he thought enough of me to do that,” Hinson said. “I will say that my fans are very loyal to me and my music, and I consider it an honor if a womerns gets my face tattooed on her.”
Oh, an impossible-to-miss opening. Unknown, how much do women like you?
“Now, the fact is that womerns wants me to sign their breasts,” he said as straight as a filibustering congressmen. “If a womerns wants her breasts signed by Unknown Hinson, then she goes home happy. Making womerns happy is everything, yeah-yeah. Think about it.”
Hinson sure ought to be happy. He’s about to go on a month-long tour opening shows for Willie Nelson as a member of Billy Bob Thornton’s band. Also, he’s the voice of hick-of-the-highest-order Early Cuyler on “The Squidbillies,” a rip-roaring hilarious cartoon on the Cartoon Network.
That’s fine. However, Hinson wanted to stress what he views as a misconception about him. Some call him a vampire.
“I got two teeth in my mouth. People says I’m a vampire, but a vampire’s teeth is on top and mine is on the bottom. The gothic young’uns in California started that mess. I don’t mess with that.”
Ah, but there’s a Barnum by way of Bela Lugosi in Hinson’s blood.
“I don’t have any mirrors,” Hinson said. For the record, neither would a vampire if one actually existed. “People says to me, you look like Dracula and I say no, Dracula looks like me.”

IF YOU GO
Who: Unknown Hinson
When: Oct. 10, 9 p.m.
Where: The Hideaway, 235 E. Main St., Johnson City, Tenn.
Admission: $15
Info: (423) 926-3896
Web: http://www.unknownhinson.com

NOTE: Those who attend Hinson’s show can meet him afterwards at his merchandise table. He said he will pose for photographs and sign autographs for anyone who wants one. “I’ll be there until the last one leaves,” Hinson said.

TOM NETHERLAND is a freelance writer. He can be reached at .