J. TODD FOSTER: With Clothing Spree, Palin Shows She's No Jane Six-Pack

The difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom is not just lipstick, but a lot of lipstick. And a lot of fancy duds apparently.

Less than two weeks before the election, the GOP presidential ticket was forced to defend the Republican National Committee’s boneheaded expenditure of $150,000 for Gov. Sarah Palin’s wardrobe, makeup and accessories.

Polls now show that Palin is the biggest drag on John McCain’s candidacy – worse, even, than President George W. Bush’s frightful reign. The last shred of credibility that Palin was clinging to was her Everywoman appeal, Josie Six Pack, an average Jane known to duck into a Wal-Mart to buy diapers for her baby.

Thanks to public campaign expenditures, we learned that Palin has been frequenting Saks, Neiman Marcus and Barneys and dropping enough cash there to make Paris Hilton or the late Leona Helmsley blush.

Palin’s excuse was as nonsensical as her policy positions. The designer clothes aren’t hers at all but are going to charity, she claims. Really? A campaign being outspent up to 3-1 decided to take campaign cash that could have helped a representative or senator in a swing state and use it instead to outfit Palin for a few days?

There sure will be a lot of well-appointed homeless people running around after the election.

The GOP’s base, which considers Palin a rock star, protests that talk of the Alaska governor’s clothing allowance is irrelevant right before such a crucial election. The argument would be a better sell if these same party faithful had not mocked Democrat John Edwards for $400 haircuts or Hillary Clinton for paying a hair stylist $3,000 for a couple of visits in 2006.

(By the way, I agree that a $400 haircut is excessive. I pay $14. Heck, the entire Flowbee System with Super Mini Vac, as seen on the infomercial, can be had for $99.90, plus shipping and handling and tax.)

Sorry for the digression.

The Republican playbook dictates that Democratic male candidates such as Edwards be painted as fancy boys because it subliminally suggests they’ll be weak on homeland security or national defense.

Edwards himself should have shown a keener sense of political tone by avoiding $400 haircuts during a poverty tour, but if we’re going to criticize him, then Palin is fair game, too.

It would take the average worker in these parts four to five years to earn $150,000. Joe the Plumber’s house is not even worth that.

A better use of money by the RNC would have been a sawbuck for Palin’s very own copy of the U.S. Constitution.

Palin still fails to grasp the job of vice president. Back in July, just weeks before her surprise selection on the Republican ticket, Palin told CNBC: “As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?”

I’d have thought by now that someone with McCain’s campaign would have given Palin a primer. But last week while campaigning in Colorado, a television reporter fired a question at her from third-grader Brandon Garcia. Just what does a vice president do? “They’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom,” she responded.

It was an interesting answer to what I’m sure Palin is portraying as a gotcha question from an 8-year-old. Wrong, but interesting.

Not only is the vice president not in charge of the Senate, the position plays no role whatsoever beyond breaking a rare tie. With the Democrats set to gain even more control of the Senate, there will be no danger of ties.

Palin has had three months to get this right. Someone should tell her that the “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the U.S. Constitution” by Timothy Harper is available new in paperback for $10.17 at Amazon.com.

The amazing thing is after months of a politically tone-deaf campaign, McCain can still win this thing. (Barack Obama seems to be the only Democrat who realizes this.)

The odds are very much against the Arizona senator if, for no other reason, this fact alone: The last time the Republicans won the White House without a Nixon or a Bush on the ticket was … 1928. (You can wow your friends at the next cocktail party with that bit of trivia.)

If McCain really does pull this off, I implore him to stay healthy. Use 100 SPF sun block. Stay away from nursery schools that are swimming in kiddie germs. Wrap Air Force One in industrial-strength bubble wrap. Just do anything to keep Palin from raising her right hand with her left on the Bible and taking the oath of office.

J. Todd Foster is managing editor of the Bristol Herald Courier and can be reached at jfoster@bristolnews.com or (276) 645-2513.