Rabbi Discusses Interfaith "December Deliemma"

The holiday season is approaching, and some families might have a hard time blending different religious perspectives. Rabbi Aaron Philmus, recently led an open discussion to ask both Christian and Jewish opinions on the "December Dilemma."

"Our goal tonight is to share information, help discover issues and hear out opinions, while coordinating and coming up with ideas on how to solve the dilemma," said Philmus. "I also want everyone to realize that they’re not alone. In America, there are 1.5 million interfaith households."

Philmus said this time of year is the perfect time to discuss the issue, as December might be one of the more difficult months to get through.

"You need a strategy, especially if you have children," he said. "I’m not here to tell you what to do, but there needs to be dialogue between and husband and wife to discover what some of the issues might be and how to handle them."

He suggested one way of finding a common ground was to point out what Christmas and Chanukah shared.

"They’re both about solstice, finding a light in the darkness, or the birth of something good out of something bad," he explained. "There’s a unity factor."

Philmus then posed a question to the crowd about why it might be more difficult for someone who is Jewish to handle an interfaith relationship.

Jane Martin, who came with her husband, Steve, suggested it might be because of past negative experiences.

"I grew up in America, and I’m a fourth generation Jewish American," she said. "I learned about the Holocaust by reading about it, and in that time, someone who was even a quarter Jewish would be labeled a Jew and was branded. I haven’t been personally persecuted, and I knew I wanted my kids to be Jewish and wanted them to accept it as their heritage, not as a brand."

Martin came to the discussion as a wife in an interfaith marriage and wanting to gain knowledge on how to share her religion with her grandchildren, who aren’t being raised in the Jewish faith.

The rabbi said another reason the interfaith issue is difficult is because might be that there aren’t as many Jewish people in the world as most people think.

"There are about 13 million worldwide," he said. "It might feed into the fear of some Jews that they want to ‘keep what they have,’ " he said. "But let’s look at the Bible and the Torah, because there are inter-marriages to be found."

One of his main examples was Moses.

"He is one of the greatest examples, as his wife was the daughter of a priest," Philmus said. "He’s seen as ‘The Ultimate Jew’ or a great prophet, but in the Bible, his brother and sister are against the marriage and God punishes them for it."

Turning the topic over to how to share the holidays, he asked how guests nurtured their faiths without friction.

"We always celebrated both," said Diane Emery, who came to the discussion with her daughter, Jessica. "It seemed to work for our kids. I didn’t want to take away from my husband’s beliefs, and we enjoyed finding a tree, decorating it as well as lighting the menorah. I never wanted my kids to feel like outsiders and like they couldn’t take part in Christmas. I always made sure my kids did what they felt was best for them. I wanted them to focus more on being a good person and following the commandments."

"What was it like growing up for you, Jessica? Were you ever confused?" asked the rabbi.

"No, I was never confused," Jessica said animatedly. "I knew my identity and I chose to be a Jew. My sister, Cindy, decided to not follow that, and that’s OK. I always enjoyed spending that special alone time with my mom while we were celebrating. It became ‘our thing’ and Cindy was always welcome to participate if she wanted to. It was always our choice."

Jessica brought her significant other, Jonathan Tate, to the discussion.

"I never liked that commercial side to the holidays and I wonder sometimes if we took away the presents from the holidays, who would still claim to be Christian?" said Tate, a Presbyterian. "I think it should revolve around the Ten Commandments and being a good person, and I would never stifle any part of Judaism for (Jessica). I think we’ll just try to give our kids as much exposure to each religion as possible."

The rabbi ended the session with a prayer, reminding participants to acknowledge each other’s feelings and validate them, even if they did not agree.

"I believe it’s God’s will that there will not be just friction, but a positive outcome," he said.